Grudge… that persistent feeling of resentment, ill will that lingers as a result of past insult or injury…
To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”
Grudge makes you a victim to your mental state. A prisoner…trapped by your own emotions. By blaming others you put the responsibility for how you feel on others. Truth is, they have nothing to do with it. They might not even be aware!
You are stressed and suffer, carrying this heavy load of resentment that drags you down.
That’s a lot to carry!
Here are 5 steps to getting rid of the unwanted baggage:
1. Find the real reason behind your grudge.
Dive deep into what caused the situation. Is it something you said and got an unfavorable response or something someone said that offended you? Why? What made you feel this way? Was it a right reaction? What caused the aggravation? Who started it? Was it you? Them? Do you even remember! Five years from now, when you are older and wiser, would it really matter? What do you have to gain? And what do you have to lose?
2. Consider different perspectives.
Talk it over with all people involved. Get their point of view. Discover how they felt. Chances are it looks completely differently from their perspective. It may be the case of “he said, she said”, misinterpretation and misunderstanding. You might find out that there is no reason to be offended.
3. Acknowledge your feelings.
If the insult, injury or offense took place, acknowledge and release. Let them know in what way you felt: betrayed, offended, sad, disrespected… Acknowledge your feelings but do not penalize the person.
4. Forgive any wrongdoing.
Forgiveness is an essential step in this whole process. Nothing happens until we forgive. Uncovering the reason for your resentment, considering different perspectives and knowing how you feel are a good starting point. Forgiveness is an action you take to move forward. It’s what you do with what you know about your bitterness.
5. Move on.
Let go – make peace and never regurgitate it again. Allow yourself to trust again. According to Dr. Gottman the basis of trust is really the idea of Attunement. Awareness. Turning toward. Tolerance. Understanding.
Non-defensive responding. Empathy.
Returning to trust is not easy but it is most rewarding.
Once you let go of grudge you will feel relieved and happier. And on your way to live a more Meaningful Life!